http://WWW.social-networking-the-way-forward

As my fingers slurred on the keyboard typing the last status message on Facebook before I went for my siesta, my mother-in-law entered the room...she was struggling to end the call on the mobile phone and therefore needed my favor; she, otherwise, never disturbed me while I "worked" on my laptop and I thanked the world for not having educated her enough to understand the virtual dimensions of my "work." If you please, I am a "social networking expert" employed by my hard-working husband so that the peace of the house is maintained as long as I am hooked on to networking. He had researched well, he gifted me a laptop as a marriage gift. He not only became the most trendy person going around by doing that, he also made me feel how much he appreciated my being technically savvy...at least till a month. He must have read through all the overflowing emails, sms-s, status messages, infinite friend list, long chat sessions, online gift exchanges, etc., etc. before marriage. In short, he just handed over almost all his boring duties as a husband to the Internet and freed himself of having to shop around for endless hours with his decked-up wife, play the perfect loving husband to bring whatever her highness wanted at any time of the day, the monotony of having to buy gifts on all occasions...I realized I had been taken for a ride when he said this just a month later, brushing aside my request to go for shopping, "arre, e-Bay, Amazon, Naaptol.com, futurebazaar.com, indiaplaza.com...sab hai na!!"

 

I sulked in a corner, despised the laptop when I added 2+2 but then, where could I go??? I was no more a vagabond to wander around alone in an unknown city (not that I didn't have googlemap or my xyz city.com on me but...) and neither had the liberties left to do so with my mom-in-law's expectations scrutinizing all my moves through night and day...if my saree was in place (which I learnt to perfect, thanks to YouTube videos and a crazy woman who demonstrated the process with much elan), if I sang the morning prayers in the sweetest voice (thanks to bhajan-lyrics, rituals, all elaborately available on hindu streaming sites), and cooked a new dish everyday (per kind favor of recipes galore on fiesty food sites). It was a thumbs-up on all fronts...and like it or not, I soon became the blue-eyed daughter-in-law of my M-I-L, much to the chagrin of my S-I-Ls...sister-in-laws...oh c'mon! you better get used to all this, it gets tedious to type out the whole thing during bitchy chat sessions.

 

However, life's not so easy...that little craving--to spend time together, a little of that human touch...started disturbing me...and a workaholic husband just added to my woes. I tried, I promise I tried to build a human relationship where we could give each other "quality time" but both of us were possessed...he, by the paucity of time and the stress of delivering and achieving...and I, by my little expectations of mush and attention...the "quality" hour of the evening started turning sour...it became a "hearing" session for grievances with neither of us having an ear for the other..."Oh! Damn it, lets dissolve the whole thing," I say and turn on for help---FORUMS FOR UNHAPPY HOUSEWIVES...I type on the Google page...my SOS calls are answered by the many concerned out there in the virtual world. It doesn't take much to jot down few words of concern and free advice anyway...but I cannot discredit one DIY advice - it implied--"immerse yourself in the gigabytes of the world--your life will start pacing at 1000 Mps" and I did so... My M-I-L is also concerned about why I need to "work" for such long hours. My physical world stands frozen, stagnant and cold. However, like all other tiffs in the world between spouses, mine too was not eternal...soon, we had a new member in the house, my child. I soon realized that I wasn't a new mother, there was hardly an instance when I was overworked or overwhelmed by motherhood...I seemed to have all the solutions at the tip of my fingers...nine months of pregnancy also included a nine-month course on motherhood, not a single site remained unread...and then, you also had health sites, culture specific new parent forums (Indiaparenting.com), etc., etc. I tell you, I almost gave my M-I-L a complex...I am not sure if she loves me or hates me for that but she sure appreciates the way I am bringing up her grandson.

 

For a few years, the "human factor" engaged me but my son grew up, all too soon. However, the world knew that I was on top of the world...every move my son made, every milestone he crossed, yes...even the number of times he pooped...everything was up and loaded on Facebook, as status or photos, my never ending rendezvous with the rest of the world "out there." Opinions were never given such importance...every comment--the "who thought what"---was a must read. The only opinions I disliked were the one freely offered by my M-I-L and the other I-Ls. How physical and crude it appeared as compared to the sugar-coated ones "out there." How time flies...my son goes to school now and I am a someone "out there" now. Just Google my name and there I am....so-and-so belongs to blah blah blah communities, so-and-so said $%&#* on Twitter, so-and-so has won the "Best Blogger" prize (Oh yes, I even earn now---I made my passion my "work" and I love it). I have an image to protect out there...I have to visit every corner of the world...after all, the world will have to know that I am happening...the pics betcha say so. In fact, in the days to come, click and upload should have the same function key...memories are a thing of the past, I have to click because I have to upload it---"out there."

 

Today, I am a happy woman in my world "out there."

 

I believe in all the love seeping through status messages, comments, and texts...
I feel secure in the presence of easily accessible (24*7, across geographies) friends with rightly worded shoulders to lean on
I revel in the celebrity status I have earned in a scrolling world
I experience spirituality in the transience of unattached ties "out there"...

 

In short, I've just been liberated. Hail Freedom!

 

My husband is now tired of working and so has suddenly found the time to judge my unbecoming inclinations. He disapproves my materialistic affiliations and raises his brow at my addiction...so he says. He says I wasn't like this...like what? Like...Fake?...so he says. Little does he realize that companies are running on this fakeness...the world over...female Internet users outnumber males, as per a survey by eMarketeer (USA).

In India, I happen to be one of the 11% of the 5.3% population of the 1.2 billion, the reason why I have not been taken too kindly about the way I am...but the fact remains--this is the way I am---partially brought up by the WWW, educated by the WWW, befriended by the WWW, accompanied by the WWW wherever I go, and almost married to the WWW...
The fact remains that I mistrust all else but Google when I need answers, the fact remains that I have found a place to hang out in Facebook and Twitter, the fact remains that the virtual world appeals to me more than the unendearing objects around me.

So when I read "Why women mean business" (Avivah WittenBorg-Cox and Alison Maitland), it doesn't surprise me when they say that  the 3 Ws (read-WWW) are the forces to reckon with in the days to come--

• Weather
• Women
• Web

 I am yet to decide whether the web has taken the women by storm or it is the other way around but one thing is for sure, women and the web have definitely arrived and come to stay together, for reasons - to each her own. And as long as they are together, they are bound to cause a turbulence in the weather--be it at home or be it at the marketplace--it could be an avalanche, it could be a tsunami but it is just around the bend. Is the world listening???  

    

Alka's Desk: Empower the Woman in Me

Alka's Desk: Empower the Woman in Me

Empower the Woman in Me

I run to you, I am the apple of your eyes
Open your arms, take me in, I am the angel in disguise
I have taught you to bow down
To discover life in the bud you have sown
I have given you boundless joys
With my smile, my care, and love to rejoice
I am your little daughter, please let me grow
But not in the shadow of a son you would like to see me though
Stand up, recognize me, encourage the individual in me
Only a little appreciation will empower the woman in me

I stand by you, in case you slip and fall
You can always bank on me; I am your strongest wall
I have taught you to share
To discover life in affectionate care
I have given you selfless reasons
To support, protect, and give—irrespective of seasons
I am your sister, please let me come
In a world which is now yours, once also my home
Stand up, recognize me, encourage the individual in me
Only a little appreciation will empower the woman in me

I wait for you, I feel incomplete without you
The place in my heart you hold is of love true
I have taught you to embrace
To discover life in commitment of the highest grace
I have given you a home, a hearth
And hold your hand in sorrow and in mirth
I am your wife, please let me partake
I am with you in sleep and in wake
Stand up, recognize me, encourage the individual in me
Only a little appreciation will empower the woman in me

I breathe for you, as you grow in my womb
I will nurture you till the day I reach my tomb
I have taught you to love and respect
To discover life in every aspect
I have given you life itself
With my being, my whole, my entire self
I am your mother, don’t ever let me depart
From your life, your world, it is my inseparable part
Stand up, recognize me, encourage the individual in me
Only a little appreciation will empower the woman in me

Shun the Desire to be King, Believe in Democracy

During the Emergency, Indira Gandhi had once confessed to her closest confidants, Pupul Jayakar, “How hard it is to keep from being king, when it is in me and the situation.” Very honest, indeed! Now I know that she only surfaced a universal desire when I see streets flooded with hoardings of “enthroned” politicians and headlines such as “Rahul Gandhi—Our future King”. As for the latter, he has already taken up this prospect rather seriously by impressing all and sundry with his ‘commoner’ ways. I have doubts whether his ‘subjects’ will let him be one of them he so desperately wants to be. The fact is, going by the pulse of the ‘aam aadmi’ thinking, it is difficult to accept Rahul Gandhi as one of us and that what he does (hopping on to local trains, having tea with slumdogs, etc.) is not a gimmick but is genuinely intended because we have already accepted him as our ruler, the king. Most importantly, we have already defined his class as one above us. It doesn’t matter if we blame him for the class divide once he is in power and advocates a policy or two which may not comply with our premises of comfort. Strangely, power, publicity, and a celebrity status have a similar escalatory route in our country—the top of the pyramid is always occupied by a king. Let us start with the most famous king, King Khan or the Badshaah of Bollywood. Never mind the “Khan” part as it may change with time but note the entitlement. Then, we have the underworld kingpin. Finally, there is an endless list of elected kings and queens, the Thackerays and the Mayawatis, who consider the semantics of being on the throne rather literally. They simply love to adorn golden and silver thrones, wear outlandish and garish clothes and make sure one hand is always in a kingly posture, that of a monarch blessing his subjects. A certain queen has taken this sentiment even more seriously by installing statues of her in this mudra all over the state. And this after a long independent struggle advocating equal rights and democracy, over 60 years of celebrating independence and reveling in the freedom we have, and taking pride in the fact that we are one of the world’s most progressive democracies. Why are we then not able to break free from the psyche of being the ruler, being ruled, or for that matter being over-ruled? Why are we unable to forget our feudal lords? Why don’t we behave as citizens of a mature democracy? Why do we go berserk trying to garland our ‘kings,’ touch their hands and feet, climb walls to catch one glimpse of them? Why are we still unable to understand that the leaders are one among us in whom we have entrusted our votes to serve the country because they volunteered to and we deemed them fit to do so?


The reason why this psyche needs to be acknowledged and addressed today is because it has bearings to the Maoist uprising which is on its way to become one of the biggest problems India is going to be facing in the times to come. Naxalites and Maoists originated to fight the class divide, to ensure equal rights, and to fight against the oppression of farmers and the ill effects of feudalism in India and China, respectively. Mao Tse Tung had a vision for China which was very relevant to his times. He accomplished it by bringing about a movement which changed the face of China and made him a legendary leader. He advocated guerilla tactics because they seemed to be the only solution to many of his problems as he saw it then. Well! That was half a century ago. So, how is it that an adapted version is still relevant in a democratic republic like ours? How is it that the Maoist faction is still not outcast as a group involved in unwanted terrorist activities even though they do nothing more than spreading terror and taking precious lives. Else, if they were genuinely fighting for the common man, they would have thought many times over before taking the lives of EFR jawans in Silda because every Indian knows to which rung of society a jawan belongs to going by their economic standing. They certainly do not belong to the exploitive class as much as how the pseudo-Maoists would like to think so. Simply holding guns do not qualify the poor jawans as bourgeois—the machine, unfortunately, is the only source of entitlement to their meagre salaries barely sufficient to sustain their families. If they had some heart, they could have undertaken this as one of their issues instead of catching them unawares and shooting them down like cattle. Any thinking individual can decide that if there is want of justice, who the exploiters are and which is the oppressed faction. And, yes! It is not exploitation only in terms of terrorizing and killing. It also includes misleading the youth of our country, driving their precious energy towards wrong causes. In other words, we are losing precious talent to an ‘indigenous Taliban’ which is bringing about absolute wastage of young blood. The ‘divides’ we create may simply be a topic for tea-time conversations for some of us, but sometimes they impact young minds to the extent that they remain immersed in resentment. Don’t forget that eagle-eyed separatists are always on the prowl looking out for brooding young minds and making them believe that it is through their means they will find justice. So it is all about never letting the resentment die down, never letting the causticity dampen and guiding fragile young minds to take up the path of violence to realize ulterior motives. I would love to believe that a certain Kishanji’s struggle has roots in some cynical resentment he may have been bearing with regard to his father’s involvement in the freedom struggle of India. As for his belief in the Maoist ideology, it could be nothing more a fascination for the “Red Book”. No matter how cynical and uncouth I sound, I refuse to accept an ideology which does not respect lives, which talks of violence, which brings about hatred and strife. I refuse to accept any ideology which threatens the very thread of humanity. I have lived by the belief that we are a free nation today because of the Mahatma’s tireless struggle based on non-violence and that democracy is the only route to universal justice, and I know I am not alone in this camp.

The fact that we still allow divisive organizations to have their way out is because, we love to remain divided--on the basis of wealth, caste, religion, regionalism, gender, sect, etc., etc., and take it to a level that this ‘divide’ is well represented by the most revered weapon of democracy, the vote. The fact that obsolete ideologies are still valid today in our country and that we are still allowing criminal mayhem-creating factions like the Maoists to thrive is because, we are continuously offering them some divisive issue to which they can attach their evil intentions of violence and replenish it as a valid ideology. The fact that some of our leaders are still not answerable for their unbecoming ways and that they are re-elected in spite of not delivering is much because, we still like to worship, indulge in adulations, and treat our leaders like Gods. So what’s wrong if they behave like one? Sadly, we may have embraced democracy to earn our rights suited to our comforts but we have yet to understand the spirit of it and accept the responsibility of being a uniform shareholder in the progress of our country. Therefore, we are very much responsible for not allowing certain ‘divides’ to die down and not letting genuine issues breathe. It is time we revisited democracy. It is time we recreated it and made it more relevant to today’s requirements. It is time we endorsed issue-based politics and competent leadership. It is time we addressed genuine needs rather than burdening ourselves with carrying forward obscure and outdated political ideologies. It is time to overcome the past, to live in the present, and to build a better tomorrow. It is time to realize that in order to bring about justice, we will have to strengthen our judiciary. It is time that in order to make our leaders deliver, we have to take them to task. It is time to empower issue-based politics to solve the problems of our country. If this is not realized, we may have to ready ourselves to commit our entire lives to fighting terror and to losing precious talent to the wrong causes. Think again, it is not that a Jagari Baskey is born everyday, but it hurts to think that the goons are taking pride in her abilities instead of the Indian Army.

An Unfortunate Union

Although reports of rape are routine stuff on most channels, one such report shocked me no end. Unfortunate as it is, our country capital, Delhi also holds the distinction of being the rape capital based on statistics, even though that can be accounted for because rapes are actually registered here unlike other rural or semi-urban areas where victims would rather keep quiet to avoid ostracization. Holding on to its reputation, however, Delhi came up with another of its bizarre cases which reported that a newly wed man ‘organized’ a gang-rape of his wife by his “oh-so loyal” friends because she did not bring enough dowry. Dumbfounded?? I am not surprised because even I remain perplexed for quite a few days. Unable to purge this episode, I dwelt on a few questions which could not stop playing the Brownian motion in my head. Do provide me the answers if you have them. First, why do grooms of the latter category bother to embark onto the journey of marriage at all when they are better off without it? Commitment, loyalty, fidelity, relationship, family—it is more than obvious that none of these are on their cards. If not, do they get their objectives (in all likelihood, a source of income and at-your-will-sex) muddled up somewhere down the line in the process of achieving them? If I had a chance, I would love to counsel such creatures free of cost—maybe it would save some women from becoming victims of such atrocities. I would never go into lengths explaining how horrendous the dowry system is and pleading that women be respected because such characters are more knowledgeable than me in theory, only that they prefer to act otherwise—it has something to do with immediate gains. Some may have learnt this from posh business schools, you never know. As for sins, what are they? They vanish with one dip in the Ganges and a few rituals, "samadhan", performed by deity controlling priests. Well, what I would like to convey is that prospective grooms with big plans based on marriage-derived income should garner some courage and play their cards honestly. I assure one and all, this process will be less awkward than going behind bars after committing rape or murder (or both). After all, since money is the basis of such negotiations, there is no harm being realistic. It is any day better than allegations of rape and murder. Most probably, grooms and their families of this category become unrealistic because the poor creatures get embroiled in greed issues after being indulged in all the pomp and show put up by the bride’s family during the ceremony. Therefore, I intend to ‘help’ such cases from being misguided, not lose sight of their objectives and most importantly, not let them forget the dire consequences of the crimes they may have to ruthlessly commit if their targets are not met. I am convinced, more than a quarter of this category would reconsider marriage as an option at all and the rest would at least have the haze of evil intentions removed from their eyes. After all, what does money mean if you have to bargain it with your life? This is what needs to be reminded day in and day out—that apart from money, there is also the jail, a life sentence or a death sentence you may have to consider post marriage. If I were to unleash my sadistic desires, I would love to do up a marriage venue with a prison theme so that the thought never escapes the ‘prospective’ guilty.

The second question which kept banging against the walls of my head is that how is it possible for a man devoid of a conscience or any moral to make friends who are epitomes of loyalty? What bonhomie, I am impressed. Even dogs are not as obedient. I am sure half the world would simply vie for such characters to replace thinking servants. I wonder if such friends would extend support in the same faith in a different situation, say a less gratifying one or rather a demanding one. Simply put, is it that even the integrity of level-headed individuals melts away on being served certain pleasures on a golden platter as in this case? If not, there was also the possibility that the gang could have ganged up against the mongrel and taught him a lesson or two instead of ganging up against the poor bride?

The third question is more of an irony as I see it and wonder if you have noticed, too. Any person acquainted with the Delhi belt will tell you of one of the most common sights seen as you pass by any colony. It is called “Mata ki Chowki” or “Jagran”—a ritual performed in reverence to Durga, the Goddess of strength (good over evil is a common linkage to all deities so is obvious and forgettable). In fact, the entire belt boasts of a proliferation of female Goddesses (Devis), the most popular being Vaishno Devi where, in all possibility, even the ‘man of the moment’ must have paid a visit at least once in his lifetime, such is the popularity. So, is there a bifurcation of the female gender, namely that of the Goddesses fit to be worshipped and the earthlings fit to be raped, that we are not aware of? If not, how is it possible for these Goddess worshippers to be so differentiating in their reverence? At least some should be able to visualize even a minuscule part of the Goddess in the women on earth. Unfortunately, the atrocities against women in this belt tell a different story.

God in the Inbox

India, India, India…it amazes me no end. I just received a message from my friend minutes ago which reads, “Hare Krishna. He has seen you struggling (with something). He says its over. “A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in Sri Krishna send to 10 people, please don’t ignore you are tested. For it says-deny me in front of everyone, I will deny you of my father! 97% wont pass this. Are you part of the 3% that will?” A blessing is coming to u.”

The first time I read this message, I was in splits. Please don’t get me wrong but I just could not get over the text, especially the “struggling (with something)” part. On returning to my sane self, I did not feel the fear this message intended to invoke in me but felt deeply hurt. This is not the first time I had received such a message. Most Hindu deities are put through this rigor of invoking fear and playing with the psyche of religious innocents through the exhaustive use of the sms. Sai baba, Ganesha, Maa Durga…you name them and you will recall that you have received at least one message credited in their name. I personally am a devout Hindu and have immense faith in the spiritual path I identify with. Therefore, it enrages me all the more that these days even Gods are not spared from being sold.


Let us get to the root of the problem. Why do you think people are successfully making money by instilling fear of the unforeseen or playing with the religious sentiments of millions of worshippers? Do you think you receive such messages from people who are as God-fearing as you? Think twice. They are happily minting money by demeaning God. In exact words, in my opinion, this is actually a kind of desecration which has not been identified yet because of its digitally subtle nature, a derogatory attitude toward Gods of a certain religion which is gradually deracinating devotees from its basic religious ideals. You will not deny that no matter how educated you are, you do tend to get influenced by such messages and more often than not, end up doing as directed, even if it means doing it secretly to avoid being jeered at by people who may appear (because their outbox may reveal something else) to not get moved by the same. Why? One probable reason is that Hinduism is basically a tolerant faith and therefore subject to maximum misuse. It does not stress the concept of punishment as a consequence of wrongdoing enough. Else, why would followers of this faith be so unclear on this matter? Would they not realize that the wrongdoing here is the circulation of a message which disrespects God? Are we are so insecure about losing the comforts of life that we feel threatened that a God may snatch it away if the “sent to all” option is not ok-ed soon? If this is what we think, we are downright selfish. We have not understood faith and devotion but see it merely as a means to fulfill our worldly desires. We pray, but only to beg and do it on a daily basis because we fear if we don’t, we may lose what we have. For heaven's sake, please close your eyes for a second and think. All our Gods combined will not forgive us for reducing them to a status of a threatening and punishing ringmaster or a boo-ing ghost in our messages, even if we remain immersed in the Ganges for hours. On the contrary, our Gods may bless us for saving their divinity from being tarnished in this manner if we refuse to bow to such lowly actions. So the next time you receive such a message, please become a messenger of faith, not fear. You have but only one question to answer, that is, "delete msg?" In the name of God-OK.

We Need Help

Sometimes it’s difficult to justify my own behavior—especially the surreptitious visits to the entrance of my house. No, it’s not the fear of any monstrous apparition at the door but the wait for the daily newspaper. Just the sight of it gives me the impetus to hurry up with my morning chores---I can’t wait to lay my hands on it but I have to wait because once it’s mine, I’m carried away to another world. The feeling is almost transcendental…but who’s going to do the breakfast then? So, wait.

Ah, I have the house to myself now…and the newspaper after the daily morning chaos of school, work, crying babies, useless spouses, etc. The first thing I am confronted with is choice. With the number of supplements mounting every day, each of equal importance to a reader like me, newspaper reading is no mean feat. Which one…which one…? Finally, I remind myself of the main objective behind reading the newspaper—the news. But where’s it? A frantic search…eighteen pages here, eight in the next, six thereafter…so on and so forth. There is a bit about some silly political activity (more often than not as a tribute to the ruling party), a wee bit about the city we live in and the rest—a feature fete. Every educated individual in a democracy is a political, financial, or social analyst of sorts and everyone’s opinion counts…at least in the newspaper. Gone are the days when this privilege was confined to a select group featuring on the “editorial page” only---they are facing some tough competition now. As for my state, I am literally pleading—“God, please help me read this feature, analysis…whatever…till the last line…please.” I really cannot help it, you know. I have to know it all since it’s there in the newspaper—if Sachin should continue or not, why Rani can never win the Oscars, why is Amar Singh angry, why is there a painting in so and so’s house, why so and so’s clothes do not fit her any more…Ugh! You can say it’s a moral obligation…I don’t want to disregard a writer’s effort. Moreover, what if I miss something? I pay for it, after all. Anyway, I am dead tired now. Try and understand, I have been reading thirty-six to forty large size pages with fine print everyday in these stress-prone, time-pressed times.

When my reading obsession, bordering on an addiction, is quenched by ogling at the plastic faces flashed all over the pages, I am in no position to keep myself straight. I am in dire need of sleep to get over the mind-boggling experience of trying to register everything of ‘inconsequence’ into my little head. Sleep…it does come but not alone. It takes me to a space again infested with newspaper objects-politicians, criminals, page 3 starlets, painted faces floating in the air clamoring for publicity, pushing and shoving one another for headline space until the scene slowly transforms into a crow-fight…and I sit up, perspiring and gasping for breath. I need help.

Much later, when I am back to where I belong—my house, my family, I have only one thing to dread. I just hope my husband does not ask me, even casually to show that he cares for my interests or even just to initiate a conversation, what I read in the newspaper today. In all understanding, he will still not be able to figure out why my jaws drop or why I look so dumb on being asked such a simple question, absolutely no reason and rightly so according to him, why I should evade this question when I spend the maximum time reading the papers. It is difficult to explain the blackout I experience when asked to share what I read. All I see is endless print and color and not with even the utmost effort can I recall the headlines on the first page. My frustration has got to fizz out and what other way than to make your family feel as miserable as you do with awful mood swings and snappy monosyllables. I tell you, this reading ambiguity is affecting my marriage. I need help.

Well! In order to overcome my recently acquired anxiety problems associated with my daily newspaper reading, I assume I have to wait till technology provides me a means to scan, read, and register the newspaper in record time because as per existing trends, the pages are bound to increase. Else, on the basis of what may become of my mental state, I can say it will not be long that I will be visiting a shrink who will be treating me for the new disorder on the anvil known as, with due respect to the namesake, the “daily news and analysis disorder.” We need help. If not for nothings like me, at least for a bigger cause--the environment, I plead unto all, “please do away with this compulsive waste of paper”. Don’t you realize how many trees are being felled to bring about this disorder? Bear with me but I am already imagining a sick me reading this heap of a newspaper without any water because I am sitting in a desert. I am sorry for being an extremist but some things are heard more when said in an unlikely fashion.